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Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow (Kenner, 1970s)

When you’re a child who longs for farm life but are stuck in the city, then Kenner had just the toy for you. Milky the cow! Milky was a promotional toy for General Mills’ breakfast cereals. You took the “milk pills” (yes they’re in quotations even on the packaging; as is the phrase “…give you ‘milk'”) and put them in the trough and pump Milky’s tail to fill her up. Once she’s full (this description is so disturbing to write), you pull on her rubber udders and release her (powdered) milk into the pail. Mmmm! Yummy fresh “milk.” Uh, Kenner also states: “The ‘Milk Pills’ are non-toxic. However, DO NOT DRINK THE PRETEND MILK YOU GET FROM MILKY!” So then why?